"The reward for conformity is that everyone likes you but yourself."
-Rita Mae Brown
The military is all about conformity, hence the uniforms and the myriad of grooming regulations.
My biological father, an African-American man from Louisville, Kentucky; served a full career in the United States Air Force. He retired in February of 1990, sadly to be killed in a car accident less that two months later.
My memories of him are few, as we only saw each other during holidays after my parents divorced early in their marriage. Yet, one memory clearly stands out: his meticulous hair ritual the night before he had to go to work in uniform.
As you can see from the picture, he proudly wore a large afro and was always the most stylish man in the room. But it was astonishing to see how much effort it took for him to literally pack away his afro to fit it under his Air Force hat.
As I examine your hair journeys, one of the questions I asked in my Hair Survey was:
"Have you ever had to conform to certain hair standards for professional or social reasons? How did that make you feel?"
Here are some of the responses:
"...the reason I conformed was to not allow my credibility to be called into question or have my hair as a distraction when I am trying to present my ideas at work."
"Being in the military has required me to keep certain hair standards and my feelings have changed over years. It was FRAUGHT with anxiety when I first went to the Academy because I had NO idea about hair standards (believe it or not, it was not covered at any point in the admissions process) and I struggled to learn put my hair in a bun. I went on what felt like an annoying journey with gels, hair sprays, and hair ties all for the sake of putting my hair up in an ugly ass bun..."
"I usually disregard these currently, but they used to make me feel unlike myself and upset."
"I felt less attractive and less professional. It made me feel insecure."
"The military hair standards are the only ones I’ve really had to conform with and when I have my hair straight, making sure I don’t have any frizzing because I personally don’t like it, and that may stem from perceive judgment and the fact that people always complement me more when my hair is straight rather than curly and it’s natural texture."
I'll never have the chance to ask my father how it felt to conform to those strict hair standards that didn't embrace his love of the afro.
But what about you?
Have you been in a situation where you had to conform? I'd love to hear your story. Let me know in the comments or click the button below to take my survey.
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